There are several analogies, but a consistent truth is that
mentally healthy grief processing is never about erasing it.
While we often talk about healing from grief, it’s not the best analogy
because grief is not making us sick. It’s a captive yet transformative journey.
Grief is not a weakness,
a curse, a sin, or a blemish
on a person, a family, or the soul.
Grief is not a reflection
of someone’s morality, or worthiness,
or capability to love again.
Grief allows us to identify,
to feel, and to integrate
what was with what is now.
The depth and complexity of our loss
may require more time and energy
to integrate.
Complexity increases as trauma or multi-traumas
are connected to the grief and/or loss.
Just because someone is still integrating
what-can-never-be
and what-is-incomprehensible
with what-is-reality-now
does not mean that somehow their grief is bad.
I often describe spousal loss as being shoved
onto a parallel timeline with no way back.
Grief is a disorienting but necessary process of
integrating realities and moving forward toward wholeness.
You can make it easier by being there.
—
July 12, 2024
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